The Dalai Lama asks a kid to suck his tongue and everyone hears it. It’s weird for the kid and a bad look for an aging Dalai Lama.
Let’s look at what happened, why it may have happened, and the damage control being done by his camp.
We’ve all read or at least heard the words of the 14th Dalai Lama. As the highest spiritual leader of Tibet and India and an international voice for human and animal rights, his words have become books, posters, memes, and inspirational quotes. For many, he is the moral authority on subjects such as sex and sexuality. He suggests what is right and wrong along the lines of Buddhism.
The problem with any spiritual leader is that they are human. They’re not infallible or impervious to temptation. Nor are they exempt from neurological decline related to aging. People who follow their teachings and trust their moral authority should always do so with the knowledge that these people are susceptible to every human vice that they, themselves, are. And aging doesn’t discriminate when it comes to lucidity and good decision-making. As we age we regress. Especially men. Our brains atrophy and our actions often reflect our vulnerable states. So while the Dalai Lama might be a kind and decent person who wants world peace and equal rights for all human beings he is going to have lapses in judgment as he ages. He’s going to have times when his brain fails to play gatekeeper to thoughts that normally wouldn’t fly right out of his mouth.
And maybe he’s just a perverted asshole who has been masking his true insides for five decades. I doubt it, but you never know. Rumor has it Gandhi was kind of a dick. He was instrumental in changing the world for the better but people say he was a pretty mean dude. Mother Teresa, who would be seen holding and praying for babies with AIDS allegedly would only do so if that baby’s entire village would convert to Catholicism. I honestly don’t know if any of that is true, but I am sharing the information as a way to show that it’s possible to be a spiritual leader and not be a perfect example of how to live and how to treat others.
When the Dalai Lama recently asked a young boy to “suck his tongue” I think he just had a weird moment where an unusual thought entered his mind and it came out of his mouth without any sound reasoning from his brain telling him not to say it out loud. Does it make him a lifelong pervert who lives just to have young boys suck his tongue? I don’t think so. Is it concerning? Absolutely. I think his camp should keep an eye on him and monitor his actions and public speaking for the foreseeable future. But I don’t think it should stop him from continuing his work.
The problem I have is with accountability. He said he was sorry and I’m certain he meant it. But is that enough? In today’s hyper-sensitive world, I’m not sure if it is. Did it harm the child? Maybe not in the moment but who knows what future psychological issues he might experience stemming from the very public request to suck a grown man’s tongue? It’s an important question to ask. Does it change the fact that the Dalai Lama has done many good things for people and the world? Not at all. But could this mistake mean that he should ramp down his public appearances and possibly step down if something remotely close to this happens again? Maybe.
Regardless of what his camp decides is the best course of action I think they totally blew it on trying to say that he was joking. Bad move. Maybe he was in fact joking, but that’s a terrible joke. Even if he was joking they shouldn’t have made that the hill they’re going to die on in trying to repair his public image. The guy fucked up. He fucked up and he admitted he fucked up. Then he apologized. That’s how this is supposed to go. Politicians could learn a thing or two about the process of making a mistake and then owning up to it rather than gaslighting and lying to wiggle out of trouble.
That’s where I take issue with what has happened. It’s representative of the big picture as it pertains to accountability in our world today. Or, better said, lack of accountability. We bitch about how young people run all over teachers and parents and show a disregard for authority. Then we keep showing them examples of people who fuck up and don’t ever have to face consequences. The other end of the spectrum is cancel culture. People make a mistake not worthy of the guillotine but we ruin their lives because we want to remain in line with the thoughts and feelings of the perceived majority. It’s mob mentality and it’s a poor example for kids. There’s no longer a belief that the punishment should fit the crime. There are only qualifying attributes that either make the offending party worth sparing or not worth sparing. It’s bullshit.
It used to be that when a person fucked up they paid a price. Maybe it was jail or expulsion from school or impeachment. Again, the punishment would tend to be appropriate to the crime committed. Not always, but at least there was some thought put into what price a person would pay for the fuck up. A person would make a mistake and then take accountability for what they did. Sometimes they would learn and grow from the experience and end up being better people who make fewer mistakes. That can’t happen when the only two options are complete cancellation or no consequences at all.
Here’s how I think this Dalai Lama thing should have gone:
He publicly asks a young boy to suck his tongue. The public calls him out for it. He admits that he did it. He admits that he knows it is wrong. He apologizes. The public, the boy, his family, India, Tibet, and Buddhists, all do some homework on his current state of mind and try to decide if he should continue in his current role. If it’s decided that he should step down or take on a lesser public role then that’s what should happen. If the collective looks into it and decides to reprimand him but allow him to continue his work then that’s what should happen.
What never should have happened was his camp gaslighting the boy and the public by suggesting that this is how the Dalai Lama jokes. Nope! That’s not okay. You’re shielding a man who made a mistake. Whether or not the request was made or taken in the true spirit in which it was intended is irrelevant. Did anyone involved in the public relations spin job ever stop to think that this spiritual leader is aware of his offense and wants to show that he’s contrite and is willing to accept consequences? Or do people just assume that every person with power and influence wishes to lie their way into keeping said power and influence?
Let’s stop protecting people from accountability. Even if they’re generally good and decent people. Who knows, maybe if we let the natural course of things happen after someone fucks up we will eventually find ourselves back in the place where we can forgive a mistake or at least let the punishment fit the crime. I think we would all be more comfortable with that.